Dusty Baker had played, coached or managed in precisely 4,405 major league games before what figured to be a run-of-the-mill series finale between the Nationals and Twins. Chris Speier has been involved in some capacity since 1971, with a few breaks scattered in there. Davey Lopes is 70 and hasn't missed a season since he was a rookie with the Dodgers during the Nixon administration.
Ask any of them where today's 16-inning marathon, with all of its twists and turns and drama that ultimately resulted in a 6-5 Nationals victory over the Twins, ranks among the craziest games they've ever been part of, and you expect to hear a story about some long-forgotten night in Atlanta or San Francisco or Houston that defies explanation.
Except none could conjure up anything from their combined memory banks to top this one.
"This is the craziest," Baker said, with absolute certainty in his voice. "Yeah, this is the craziest. Chris and I were like ... and Davey ... because we've seen thousands of games. And we always say: 'Go to the ballpark, you always see something you've never seen before.' Well, I certainly hadn't seen anything like this. This was crazy."
Where to possibly begin describing a 5-hour, 56-minute ballgame that featured 14 pitchers (seven of whom wound up taking an at-bat), one team going 1-for-16 with runners in scoring position (and still winning the game), one reliever throwing 77 pitches (and not giving up a hit until his fifth inning of work), another taking his first at-bat in six years (and driving in the tying run in the process), a 4-minute, 7-second replay review overturning a call in the 15th inning, the reigning MVP getting his first day off this season but then pinch-hitting in the bottom of the ninth and hitting the game-tying homer, and then the guy who immediately replaced him in the field hitting the game-winning homer seven inning later?
"I haven't been here long, but that was incredible," said Bryce Harper, who watched all but one of the game's 118 plate appearances from the dugout. "In the words of (former teammate) Yunel Escobar: 'I love my team.' Because this was unreal."
There is plenty that can be discussed about the afternoon's first 8 1/2 innings, but due to time constraints, let's skip right ahead to Harper's pinch-hit at-bat in the bottom of the ninth. Out of the lineup for the first time this season, the 22-year-old slugger knew there was a chance he'd end up getting one at-bat. Sure enough, the opportunity came with his team down 4-3 and nobody on base to open the frame.
What ensued was a seven-pitch battle royale between Harper and Twins closer Kevin Jepsen, who kept throwing nothing but fastballs and kept watching Harper foul them off, keeping the count 3-2. Until Harper finally put the seventh fastball in play. Just not where anyone in a Minnesota uniform could touch it. His 411-foot home run to center field - his ninth in 18 games to begin the season - tied the game, left the Nationals dugout bouncing around in sheer joy and left what remained of a crowd of 35,397 celebrating along with them.
"We come to expect that he's going to do something special," said Chris Heisey, who would have his own special moment much later. "You can't not expect it when he's been doing it as consistently as he's been doing it. I find myself putting really unfair expectations on him. If he gets jammed or pops out, it's like: 'What the heck, Harp?' You have to remember that it's very hard. I'm a career .240 hitter, obviously, so ... It's easy for anyone to watch from the side, but what he's doing is awesome."
That would have been far and away the highlight of just about any other ballgame, but this one still had seven innings of highlights left to showcase.
It extended that long thanks in large part to Yusmeiro Petit, who thought he had completed five innings of scoreless relief (only four days after he threw four innings of one-run ball in Miami) only to be forced to stand on the mound for more than four minutes while faceless umpires in New York reviewed a bang-bang call at second base on Eduardo Nunez's stolen base attempt.
When the initial call was reversed, making Nunez safe and extending the inning, Petit finally broke down. He walked Brian Dozier, then surrendered an RBI single up the middle to Miguel Sano on his 77th pitch, leaving the Nationals in a 5-4 hole.
"He's pitched two great games for us and saved us," Baker said. "That's why in spring training I called him my utility pitcher. He can spot start, he can go long relief, he can go short relief. He's done just that. He's been great."
The Nationals needed to mount another rally to get Petit off the hook, and who better to ask to do that than ... Oliver Perez?
Yes, the 33-year-old reliever, who had not taken a big league at-bat since 2010 with the Mets or an at-bat at any level since he was at Double-A Harrisburg in 2011. With no position players left on his bench and no other available relievers to replace him if the game continued, Baker had no choice but to send Perez to the plate with two outs and the tying runner on second.
But first, Twins manager Paul Molitor strolled to the mound and, yes, signaled to his bullpen. He removed a left-hander (Ryan O'Rourke) in favor of a right-hander (Michael Tonkin) to face the left-handed Perez, who had not batted in six years.
So what happened next? With the count 1-1, Perez bunted. But not because anybody instructed him to do so.
"Shocked them," Baker said. "Shocked me. Shocked everybody."
Indeed. Twins catcher John Ryan Murphy probably could have let the ball roll foul but instead picked it up just before it touched chalk and tried to fire to first base in time. He failed, the ball sailing wide and down the right-field line as the entire field turned into a scene of chaos. Danny Espinosa scored. Perez raced into second base pumping his fist and the Nationals dugout erupted in a combination of excitement, disbelief and utter humor.
"I saw the pitch coming; it was the only pitch I really thought of trying that play on," Perez said through interpreter Octavio Martinez. "I saw the third baseman playing back and figured why not take a chance there?"
After all that bedlam, Perez still had to pitch the top of the 16th, which he did without allowing the Twins to retake the lead. All that remained now was somebody in a Nationals uniform to win it in the bottom of the 16th. And that honor, fittingly enough, went to the guy who replaced Harper in the lineup seven innings earlier.
Heisey led off the inning, took ball one, then swung and missed to even the count. Then Tonkin left a breaking ball over the plate and Heisey sent it soaring over the visitors bullpen to complete a remarkable victory.
"Just an all-around awesome game to be a part of, and I'm glad we ended up with the W," Heisey said. "Those are the ones that really sting when you come out of it with a loss after that long period of time."
Based on the manner in which the Nationals dugout was cheering and celebrating every big moment over the final innings of a nearly six-hour baseball game, it's hard to imagine how anyone in uniform would have felt at the end of the day had this one not ended in victory.
We'll let the MVP have the final word.
"It was fun," Harper said. "That's baseball. Baseball at every single level, and if you're in high school, college, Little League, anything. I mean, that's fun right there. And to be able to have the opportunity to play for Dusty, that desire and that mentality that he brings every single day, to let us just have fun, to let us enjoy this game, with all the rally caps and all the stuff we're doing and just going crazy and everything you could imagine. And he just lets us play, and that's what the game is all about. ...
"That's where that comes from: 'Make baseball fun again.' Right there. And those are the things where you can go out on a daily basis, enjoy the game, have fun, and he lets us do that. And there's no other guy I'd want to be playing for right now."
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