SARASOTA, Fla. - Chris Dickerson remembers sitting on the MLB Network set as an analyst, checking the monitors for game updates and wondering how he got there.
A shoulder injury kept him off the field and moved him into a studio, but he wasn't ready to make the transition. Not when he truly believed that he still could play, no matter how much his body fought him.
The Orioles put Dickerson back on the field, signing him to a minor league deal on Aug. 20 and re-signing him four months later. He's in the middle of the spring outfield competition and drawing praise daily from manager Buck Showalter.
Dickerson is in his comfort zone again. Now he's trying to get back in the majors, unable to find a job last year until late in the summer and playing in only 15 games with Double-A Bowie.
"That's a whole other conversation," Dickerson said this morning. "Man, that is ... It's serious. I think it's ironic that when BAT (Baseball Assistance Team) came in here and they talked about when the game is done, yeah, it's real. And you don't have to necessarily be broke, but when you're out of the game and you're done it's like, you have to have some real ...
"There are some serious moments when you kind of look at yourself like, A, how did I get here? And B, what do I have to do to get back? But why did I last this long? So it's about managing the positives with the negatives. But I think depending on how you look at it, I think there is some light in the darkness."
Which brings us back to the studio, a long way from a major league ballpark.
"I just remember when I sat down at MLB Network behind the desk for the first time, I'm watching these games and I'm thinking, 'This isn't me. Not yet. I'm 33, 34. This isn't me. This is a dream of mine to broadcast and be behind the desk, but this isn't me right now.' And I'm just looking at all these games and I'm like, 'I can still do this and I can do this well,'" Dickerson said.
"But getting back and just working my (butt) off to get my shoulder back and even that, when I got back to Baltimore, the doctor even said, he was looking at the X-rays like, 'You shouldn't be able to throw again.' So it's kind of motivation, not so much to come out here and prove naysayers wrong, but to prove myself right, that I can still come out and play at a high level and be an impact player."
Dickerson, who turns 35 next month, made his major league debut with the Reds in 2008 and also has played for the Brewers, Yankees, Orioles and, most recently, the Indians in 2014 after they acquired him in a trade with the Pirates. He appeared in 38 games with Triple-A Buffalo, the Blue Jays' top affiliate, in 2015 and a couple of weeks with Bowie last year.
Shoulder surgery in 2015 was followed by a stint in the Dominican Winter League that didn't bring the intended results. Quite the opposite.
"I think going to the Dominican, I knew my situation," said Dickerson, who batted .238/.266/.400 in 56 games with the Orioles in 2013. "I knew, especially after (2015) and being done early and missing the majority of the season, that I had to come back and still prove that I was healthy and prove I could offer a lot to some teams. So I went to the Dominican and I rushed it.
"It's one of those things when you come back, and the first game I made 12 throws from the outfield and that was it. I didn't throw for the rest of the time I was there and I probably set myself back a couple months. That was my main focus, was to get healthy and get that bat going. But yeah, it was a very rough summer and it was a very interesting summer with my discussion with Buck (Showalter) at Dodger Stadium and then Adam (Jones) inviting me to BP and everything kind of shifted a little bit. So it's been an interesting year, for sure."
It's been a spring that could put Dickerson back in the Orioles' plans. Showalter pointed out that the outfield competition may be the most intense, even with Michael Bourn's broken finger, and Dickerson is stating his case by making several impressive plays in right.
The Orioles wanted to upgrade their outfield defense and it shows. Dickerson has received the message.
"All these guys," Dickerson said. "(Logan) Schafer can run it down, (Craig) Gentry can run it down. We have guys who are essentially defensive specialists. Not to take away from anybody's offensive side, but they're all great defensive players.
"The most you can do, you can't worry about that. You just go out and do what you do to bring stuff to the table. Me playing all three positions, I think that works. I've just got to continue to focus on getting better and getting back into all three positions and taking it one day at a time."
Defensive skills will break any ties in the competition, which is why the Orioles need to learn more about Rule 5 picks Aneury Tavárez and Anthony Santander, the latter still not cleared to play in the field after shoulder surgery. Dickerson's ticket to the majors probably will be stashed inside his glove, but he also wants to demonstrate that he's a threat from the left side of the plate, which he did yesterday with an opposite-field home run in Clearwater.
"We know that's what I can do," he said. "When I can start to swing the bat efficiently and make a statement with the bat, then that's kind of eye-opening. I got called back (last year) because I can play defense. That's no surprise. But I think the big emphasis is to really come in and to open some eyes with the bat, because defense will take care of itself."
The comfort zone isn't just about playing baseball again. It's being in the right organization.
"I like the way we do things around here," he said. "Kirb (Wayne Kirby) puts a huge emphasis on getting us ready, the fundamentals and getting us in shape. Just recovering from that. Other than that, I feel good.
"This is a long time coming for me. I've had a long time to prepare for this, coming back. Just hitting since the day we got back from Florida after the taxi squad and not stopping since October. Kind of come in here with a purpose.
"I'm just trying to play my game and that's play good defense and try to string together some good ABs, and I think I've done that. I just notice I'm seeing the ball really well and getting in a nice rhythm, which is the most important thing the first couple of days.
"I have a good base. It's early, so I'm just looking to build on this so far."
This is the only analysis that interests Dickerson. The rest can wait.
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