Steely stare, icicle hair make Harper-inspired ugly sweater a thing of beauty

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and in addition to dreaming about my turkey coma, I'm eagerly anticipating a full day (and then some) of Black Friday holiday shopping.

Time was, in the pre-Internet days, when the only way to get the bargains was to drag your carcass out of bed at an ungodly hour on the day after the feast and high-tail it to the mall at dark o'thirty. You had a large cup of coffee in one hand and your credit card in the other. All the better to buy with, my dear.

Nowadays, the Black Friday shopping starts considerably earlier and you keystroke a few orders in, say, between editing Chris Johnson and Byron Kerr's morning entries. Yes, I found a good sale of my favorite Under Armour hoodie this morning, and I've already started accumulating coupons for use at the outlets in Hagerstown and Gettysburg. Yes, I'm going to be helping the economy starting Thursday evening, about the same time you're just rustling from your tryptophan-induced afternoon slumber.

But what to my wondering eyes should appear this morning on my Twitter feed than some of the most wonderful ugly sweaters ever created. The good folks at Fresh Brewed Tees have unleashed a line of you-can't-help-but look apparel featuring some of your favorite Major League Baseball stars (and endorsed by the Major League Baseball Players Association, so you can be pretty sure some of the proceeds are going to charity).

You can choose from a "Felix Navidad" model for Mariners ace Felix Hernandez, a "Kris Kringle" variation featuring National League Rookie of the Year Kris Bryant of the Cubs or a "Silent Knight" sweater emblazoned with Mets pitcher Matt Harvey. They're appropriately enough in team colors, too. So if you can't get enough of your favorite squad's hues in summer - or if you're just counting down the day to spring training, Rogers Hornsby style - you should click now.

The best two styles on the site, however, are homages to Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista and a certain National League Most Valuable Player whose eye black and determination are already legendary. Yes, Nationals star Bryce Harper has been memorialized in wonderful unsightliness. It's like the old line about the Kramer painting on "Seinfeld": Loathesome and offensive, yes, but I can't look away.

The Bautista sweater features a dot-matrix Bautista in full bat-flip repose from the American League Division Series, replete with the greetings, "Merry Flippin' Christmas" and "Joey to the World." Well done, Fresh Brewed. Now why don't you have a 3XL for your favorite Web site editor?

The "Ice Harper" sweater is equally well done, and if you think the @masnNationals "Harper Hair Flip" GIF-fest last summer was fun, you'll enjoy the eye-blacked, blue-eyed slugger's steely stare with icicle hair and accompanying snowflakes and baseballs dripping with dangling frozen crystals.

If you've got a Harper fanatic on your holiday shopping list, you can thank me now for helping you get a head start on your winter e-commerce.